Self Love & Relationships

“You yourself, as much as anyone in the universe, deserve your love and affection.”

As we step into a new month, I wanted to post some reflections about self-love and relationships. As a counselor and as a human being, relationships are extremely important to me. In fact, the quality of the relationships that I build with my clients is the biggest predictor of successful outcomes for clients in therapy. Counseling is a way of being with another person. You are intentional, non judgmental, thoughtful, and understanding. Wouldn’t it be nice if we went into every interpersonal interaction with the same goals in mind (of being validating, understanding, and unconditionally accepting of one another?) Wouldn’t it be even nicer if we extended this same courtesy to ourselves? Of course, we are only human & with so many distractions/stimulation constantly calling for our attention, I think it’s easy to lose sight of being truly present with ourselves and with those we love and care about. 

If this resonates with you and you are looking for some ideas on how to feel more engaged with yourself and others, this post is for you. Maybe you have found yourself in a slump with your partner and are wondering how to continuously grow your relationship-a few ideas for that below. Maybe you need to remind yourself to be more “checked-in” with those around you. Or maybe you are feeling burnt out and are craving time for yourself and your own needs-after all the most important relationship we have is the one with ourselves, right? No matter where you find yourself on the spectrum of your personal relationships, here are some ideas that I’ve found helpful in my own development:

EXPRESS GRATITUDE:

Give thanks to those who are standing by you and supporting you. It can be so easy to go through the motions of each day without taking the time to thank our partners, friends, and/or family members for the things they do. Making an intentional effort to remind ourselves of what we have and saying thank you to the people that make our lives a little better can go a long way. On the same wavelength, be sure to thank yourself for the unique individual that you are. Whether that’s in the form of giving yourself a pat on the back, a day off, or pampering yourself, make sure to take care of the most important person-yourself.

PUT YOUR PHONE AWAY:

Plan an evening where you and your significant others (family/friends/partners/etc.) agree to put away your phones and focus on the present moment. It can be so rewarding to sit with the people that you love the most in real time without the distraction of technology. You can also use this time to sit with yourself, pause, and reflect on the here and now.

EXPLORE YOUR LOVE LANGUAGE: 

Whether you are single, recently broken up, in a serious relationship, or considering your options, knowing and understanding your love “language” can be to your benefit. The Five Love Languages Quiz gives you insight into the ways in which you give and receive love. If you are in a relationship, having your partner take this quiz and comparing results can be an insight/awareness gaining activity for the both of you. If you aren’t currently in a relationship then taking the quiz can help you evaluate what values you are looking for in your next relationship down the road. 

http://www.the-relationship-coach.com/five-love-languages-quiz.html

BE INTENTIONAL WITH YOUR WORDS: 

The words we say and the language we use are so powerful. Be kind with the words you choose and reflect on the messages you might unintentionally deliver to the people around you. Be kind to yourself and think about the internal messages we send to ourselves by the words we speak out loud. Changing the way we talk about things intentionally and over time can in turn change the way we think and feel about things. 

COMMUNICATE YOUR NEEDS:

Since our partners aren’t mind readers and we are the only ones in touch with our internal feelings, communicating our needs is imperative for a healthy relationship. Behind any solid relationship are two people who likely communicate their specific needs effectively with each other. When communicating with your partner try your best to use “I” statements, which conveys that you are taking full ownership for the way you feel.

KNOW YOUR WORTH: 

Take pride in the unique creation that you are and know that you have value in your relationships with others. Each and every one of us has our own talents to offer and our own subjective way of being in the world that is unique from another. Whatever makes you feel good, secure, and happy with yourself-go do that today and everyday.

I hope you found some of these thoughts to be helpful for your purposes and remember that above all else the most important relationship we have is the one with ourselves—we have to accept, love, and celebrate ourselves before we can extend ourselves and/or our love to another person. As always, thanks for being here and don’t hesitate to reach out!